Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
