Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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