fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
did i walk over a car last night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
