Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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