Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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