Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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