one might say we're banned from that church
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sober January is a disaster.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
