Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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