I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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