Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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