I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
