Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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