I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
