She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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