You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
