I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her vagine was all disorganized.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
