we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
