Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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