he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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