my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
