Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
