she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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