I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
