ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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