he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
