my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
how does that bad decision feel?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
