i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
