While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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