perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
