He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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