woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
