In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
