shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize