You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
