I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
