I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
