she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
