She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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