Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Randomize