we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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