Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
