the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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