please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
