i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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