So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She is in my trunk
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
