stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Never underestimate the power of titties
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
