I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
