He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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