Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
