wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
