we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he thought i was a dude.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
