i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
