Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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