I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
