you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Two words: nipple clamps
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