I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
