I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
