the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
