The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
