from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
