Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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