I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
