i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
