dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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