When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
